...Instead of having a separate human with whom I have to take charge, this kid is a part of me, which is convenient for both my time and my bank account, and although I’ve been listening to this inner child differently and slowly taking the reins away since October 2019, she’s obviously still runnin’ things. I have to sit with her quietly in a Kyle Cease way and even send her more Reiki because today, I found myself revisiting some questions I’ve had in my social life, and though I’m happy to say that I no longer have as emotional a reaction to these thoughts as I used to (defensiveness, obsessive anger), they still come up and serve as a reminder that I’m very self-conscious, lacking important confidence, letting this innocent, very young part of myself make decisions that should be made by the thirty-one-year-old brain, so I regard those same old feelings in a different way. The last time I was pushed about my love life in a way I really didn’t like, I felt my usual negativity arise in the form of a sudden tight clench in my chest that I either hadn’t felt before or over the years, I had simply gotten used to it [which is an uncomfortable thought]. That was a while ago, and I’m bringing it up now because I want to emphasize the fact that it registered differently this time. I felt this unpleasant clench with such acuity in or near my heart, internally acknowledged it and did not let myself obsess over that part of the conversation. I now cannot remember who I had been talking to, what either of us said, or even when this happened, whereas in the recent past, I would have recalled it better due to a commitment to hoarding such moments as evidence of Why Shannon Shouldn’t Trust People.
It’s obvious to me
that since this past fall, I’ve made real progress of which I’m proud, because
this means that life is already that much better. The present and future are
enjoyed that much more.
Lately, I’ve been delving into the work
of Dr. Joe Dispenza, scientist Gregg Braden and Dr. Bruce Lipton, and, among other
things, that has included some layman’s basics of neuroplasticity: Every time a
person commits to learning something new, that makes the brain create new
neural connections, which is a fact I think of in little moments that feel like
proof of progress. I’m drinking in fascinating things about regulating one’s
emotions and lifestyle to involve less stress and how doing so can sometimes
have incredibly healthful side effects. The empathic part of me is relieved to
discover talks posted online about psychoneuroimmunology (including some fantastic quotable statements from Dr. Gabor Maté).
As
I learn more about the human condition and how people can empower themselves, I
of course am trying some of the recommended practices, like what Gabby Bernstein calls the “Choose Again method” as well as meditating more, sometimes
spending that time sitting with my inner child or sending Reiki to specific
people, including myself, and all the while, I’m happily aware that in doing
this work, I am getting to the point where I can advise someone who asked for
it and truthfully say, “Yeah, I’ve been there, I’ve done this work on it, and
my life is much improved”. I can become one of those people who heals
themselves and empowers others to do the same.
When it comes to specific parts of life, I’m still too thin-skinned for my liking, but when I started working on myself
this intensively five months ago, I knew that this would be a process and not a
quick fix; My wounds will become scars instead of disappearing completely and
that’s acceptable. Being kinder to myself will ease this whole experience,
because I choose every day to be here, just as my soul chose to come to Earth initially, choosing also this body, this brain, these parents and this generation.
During meditation on Sunday, I sat
for a longer consistent period than usual, and at one point, a face pushed into
my view from the darkness inside my eyelids. Here was this older white woman,
eyes closed, hair chin-length and gray or silvery. I was so surprised that it
jolted me in the moment, sitting up straighter. Awhile afterward, I broke out
my Tarot cards and asked about the experience.
I’m
pleased to say that I now have met four of my five spirit guides. Souls can
present themselves any way that they – we – like, so this one could have shown
me anything, but she came as a mature woman I would take seriously as I assume,
based on the Tarot reading, that she would inspire/teach me about family-oriented
warmth and tradition and togetherness. Another guide communicated months ago
via Tarot, stating that if he appeared to me, it would be as a ten-year-old
boy, ready to help with manifestation. About two years ago, during a beginners’
intuitive development class, another attendee informed me of someone named “Luke”
and an older Asian woman who specifically encouraged me to eat healthy, do yoga
and, when I was 14, helped me realize that I should get a short haircut, which
was liberating, and I have thanked her for that.
We
all have guides, because they're serving as specialists, helping us to learn and to help others. James Van Praagh said once in an interview, "They choose us and we choose them as well"; I’ve also heard that everybody gets at least two. Having the help is
wonderful, I think, because being human is so difficult. Being on this
spiritual journey has been endlessly interesting and brings me closer to the
wise, relaxed, innocent energetic being beneath my blood and organs, as well as
closer to fun, closer to freedom.
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