As a person evolves over the years, they can't keep all of the exact same friends. Some friends drift away when you no longer have anything in common; maybe those commonalities were flimsy. Some friends can't be kept due to either the other person's issues, yours, or both. Over time, I hope that you can look at your own life and see some patterns. Certain personality traits in others are very attractive to you and serve as magnets. That is sometimes good, sometimes bad, but in the cases I'm referring to here, it’s not only good but kind of a relief.
Not long ago, I found myself looking at
just two or three personality traits belonging to some of my friends, specifically two
work acquaintances and my longtime pal we’ll call Georgette.
Each of the work friends are total geeks, okay? They're really into reading, immersing themselves in stories, and they both enjoy discussing history. One of them treasures and has a lot of opinions on the Harry Potter books and has some media passions that are very niche. My former friend L was a passionate nerd as well, and I've proven to myself, countless times over the years, that I'm drawn to intellectually curious, imaginative people who, during formative years, were social underdogs, and that description fits each of these young women. I mean, I have a favorite barista in my neighborhood because she loves dogs, wears vibrant colors in her hair, and did her Masters thesis on the Irish Free Derry movement.
I mean. Patterns.
Each of the work friends are total geeks, okay? They're really into reading, immersing themselves in stories, and they both enjoy discussing history. One of them treasures and has a lot of opinions on the Harry Potter books and has some media passions that are very niche. My former friend L was a passionate nerd as well, and I've proven to myself, countless times over the years, that I'm drawn to intellectually curious, imaginative people who, during formative years, were social underdogs, and that description fits each of these young women. I mean, I have a favorite barista in my neighborhood because she loves dogs, wears vibrant colors in her hair, and did her Masters thesis on the Irish Free Derry movement.
I mean. Patterns.
Exhibit C: Georgette is too judgmental of others. She's quick to give her opinion if a choice made by another person doesn't measure up to her standards of moral and ethical behavior, as if her statement is like a hammer coming down on the matter. Now. I can't throw Georgette under the bus without rolling under there with her, so: I'm an opinionated jerk. My friend and I have established some of the things we're each consistently critical about, and in that way, we seem to absolutely be equally crappy. She and I can gossip about our perception of this woman we know, have the same conversation over and over about opinions and empathy regarding drug addicts giving birth, and also discuss mental health, although with each of the two latter topics, neither of us works in those fields or researches them, so we're never bringing anything new to the table, so to speak. Often, these discussions don't teach me anything. They often seem, to me, like judgmental ego trips.
By the way, if that last statement is me overthinking things, please feel free to politely say so. I need perspective. Georgette really is someone I respect and care about, as am I.
Anyway, Georgette is intense, and so was L, but with my current pal, the energy isn't the same. Her mindset, management of her emotions, and her priorities are unlike those of the ex-friend, and if I feel drained after hanging out with her, it won't be from spending all day pretending to be someone else. I would feel drained only because I'm developing my spiritual abilities right now and therefor tend to open myself up energetically and stay 'open' all day, and I used to (emphasis on the past tense) forget to protect myself energetically (by visualizing while thinking something like, "I surround myself in the white light of protection"). I love Georgette and some of her convictions. She is at a very different place in her life than L was at age 25, and isn't equally as judge-y, but I can't deny the similarity.
By the way, if that last statement is me overthinking things, please feel free to politely say so. I need perspective. Georgette really is someone I respect and care about, as am I.
Anyway, Georgette is intense, and so was L, but with my current pal, the energy isn't the same. Her mindset, management of her emotions, and her priorities are unlike those of the ex-friend, and if I feel drained after hanging out with her, it won't be from spending all day pretending to be someone else. I would feel drained only because I'm developing my spiritual abilities right now and therefor tend to open myself up energetically and stay 'open' all day, and I used to (emphasis on the past tense) forget to protect myself energetically (by visualizing while thinking something like, "I surround myself in the white light of protection"). I love Georgette and some of her convictions. She is at a very different place in her life than L was at age 25, and isn't equally as judge-y, but I can't deny the similarity.
I'm bringing this up because you and I both already knew that I was recently drawn to these people due partly to these traits of theirs that I really enjoy in a friend or possess myself, but at some point, I realized that these traits were also present in someone in my past - L. I now can quote an old, very popular TV show, discuss history and novels with the adorable nerds, then discuss social change and get unnecessarily judgmental with Georgette - all things I used to do with L. One day, weeks ago, the idea occurred to me that certain open spaces in my social life have possibly been filled, be it by myself or the universe as well, and I obviously felt the need to write this piece about it.
Gotta go. Have a good one!
Gotta go. Have a good one!
