Kill, Marry, Bang: 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' Edition


Marry: I would want to get hitched to Mac! Could I still do that? Imagine the weird, weird ceremony with Mac in a leather jacket, Charlie as a groomsman and Dennis secretly acting as best man, which would make for a bachelor party that would last for two or three days and be all kinds of illegal. Mac would show up at the venue for our wedding, brushing dust from his jeans, playing with a cowlick, saying, “Don’t ask…Do you have any food?”

Bang: The attorney. Did you know that the Always Sunny gang has one? They meet with him when they have issues with employment contracts and patents and they have tied his assistant to the bathroom sink.

 I find him very attractive. I could set aside my fear of childbirth and have his kid. Either Charlie or Dennis could track him down during an emergency, hoping he’d save them from something, only to find that their lawyer would be busy in the maternity ward of a local hospital, awaiting the birth of his equally judgmental and good-looking baby.

 


Kill: Dennis, for damn sure. He’s known for being funny simply because of his vanity and sociopathy. Oh, and his wonderfully pathetic, codependent relationship with Mac – that’s funny too.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Adaptation (Fantasy Exit Strategy Creative Writing Exercise)

On 11/19/12, I wrote something inspired by a Thought Catalog piece . Here's my take: 1.     1.    Run away to Brooklyn for two months. Eat the best food while standing between redheaded sisters and a family of chic, noisy Muslim women. The man in front of you calls home to “Mama” in N’ Orl’ns, talking with his mouth full. Watch a diverse group of loud, confident neighborhood kids argue and tease each other and play basketball with the unspoken knowledge that all their families suffered from the hurricane, and took it in a fierce New York stride that you will never really relate to. Crash at a friend of a friend’s tiny apartment, falling asleep on the couch to the sound of a car chase. Try white peach bean paste bon bons . Take countless pictures. Go to a dance battle. Try not to feel too overwhelmed. Do shots with the bartender of the theme bar you like. Go on a few dates with a hardcore Yankees fan with gentle eyes and, as he’s taking you home on the 4, give a...
Read more

Nandor the Relentless(ly Goofy)

Image
            I have a new crush. I'm gonna talk about him and I'm gonna cuss. Okay? Okay. Well, I have friends who aren’t gonna be excited about this, because A)      One of them has been hoping that I’d get into a committed relationship with a respectful, kind person B)      This new guy’s self-involved. C)      “He’s very set in his ways,” Taika Waititi once said, “He feels like the one that needs to have his hand held the most.” Also, he’s got quite the storied past, which keeps him interesting, he likes goats and respects owls, he’s goofy as fuck, and a total night person, more so than myself.             Who is he?              
Read more