I missed you. *pets blog*
Since it's St Valentine's Day, I got reflective about certain ways I've spent the holiday in the past, having a boyfriend who wanted to celebrate it, and...well, so much has happened since then, and I'm looking forward to a better future relationship.
If you'd like to see a photo of a handmade valentine I once got from the aforementioned then-boyfriend, read on!
Tom was such a romantic, which was lovely, and he came up with some sweet gestures he could make to a partner, and when he performed some (not all) of them with me, I believed that they seemed to be at odds with his attitude about us, making me doubt that the romance was meant for me, thinking that he may have been practicing for a different girl, a future commitment. I don't recall ever feeling hurt by that thought but by the disrespect he was showing me a lot of the time. The gestures I'm going to refer to now are specifically tied to February 14th, so prepare yourself.
One year, his gift seemed to be totally genuine. He made a valentine by hand elementary school-style with construction paper, sequins and dry macaroni.
Another year included dinner at a nice restaurant, complete with Tom walking me to the passenger side of his car and slipping into my hand a copy of his apartment key.
I loved both of those Valentines moments, but...his most consistent words and actions told a drastically opposing story and somewhere along the line, while still dating him, I developed firm doubts about his intentions, as embarrassing as it is to admit now, because I hate to make myself sound insecure and green, but the good memories I treasure are outweighed by the selfishness and the boy's cluelessness about interpersonal relationships.
Since leaving that situation, I've been able to move forward and make upgrades.
Right now, I'm casually spending time with someone, and twice now, I've had little moments of comparing that past connection to this one, because I'm not the same person I was, what, four....years ago? Anyway, the person I'm hanging out with is a grown-ass man and a direct communicator [to the point of being blunt] and when there's something he needs to be told that I think I'm too chicken to say, he gets to drag that truth out. It's as if my needs and opinions aren't just a figment of my imagination!
That behavior scored him a couple of points. My roommate, Shauna, doesn't even respect me enough to do that!
It's refreshing to truly be on the same page with the other person for once. We seem to know ourselves too well to catch feelings, we talk as if we see admirable traits in one another, and early on, the parameters were established.
Hey, by the way, please don't get excited about the new guy. This thing isn't gonna grow into a relationship. Give it five minutes and he'll be out of the picture, hopefully in a quiet, mutual parting of ways.
I love that things are only getting better in this part of my life. Time can do some good, I think. After all, thus far, it's made me wiser, less judgmental, freer, and therefor much closer to the kind of relationship I'm pursuing, and that's only in one part of my life.
Now it's time for a little music:
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