No Matter Where You Go, There You Are.

   First off, did you get here because of my drawing on Instagram, promoting this post? Because girl, it is a g e m ! I obviously didn't sketch and plan it out first, just went for it, and that piece is gutter magic  -level greatness. This, my readers, is officially my apology for that sight, and I assure you that such a thing won't happen again. Moving on...     I sat through the docu-series Tiger King , you guys, and I wanna talk about it. Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness presents people who are the antithesis of the freedom for which I aim. Get a bunch of deeply hurt children into adulthood and they might devote their lives to the pursuit of control, which of course creates dark drama, then add big cats and poor financial choices, you’ve got Tiger King , so I was reluctant to even click ‘play’.

           I'd like you to know that we have The Uncensored Library at our collective global (sanitized, socially distant) fingertips. I think that's so frickin' cool. Mind you, to access it, I personally would have to get my little godson to let me onto his Minecraft account, since the library's only available on that game, and simply having the bare bones version gives you access, but the fact that I’m still fairly young and already choose to be technologically out of touch is not as alarming as censorship and not as exciting as this resource! You see here, whippersnapper, this be impor’ant! Puttin’ yourself on lockdown during a pandemic makes life more stressful, for damn sure. That said, a survival mindset typically means that you believe you're always lacking, whatever that lack means to you. It stems from an increase in the stress hormone cortisol, maybe even more adrenaline, which of course means more selfishness, anxiety,...

           I appear in the pink-painted bedroom with a pop sound just as a girl is closing up her jewelry Caboodle and pushing it away. As expected, we lock gazes, allowing me to see very familiar features – eyes that seem to be a combination of blue, green and gray with a thin ring of yellow around the pupils, framed by long lashes. I’ve always thought of that nose as cute, too. Within minutes, the crayons and colored pencils are out and we’re storytelling together, drawing scenes, trading ideas and dialogue, coloring in the details. One thing I’ve always been is a storyteller. My right knee aches suddenly, briefly, and, as is my current habit, I unfold my legs. “Okay,” I say to the little girl. “Where am I? Do I take notes on the meeting?” “No, you’re helping, we’re talking.” I chuckle in surprised amusement. “You got it.”

           I need to sit more with my inner child.

Including today, which is, of course, Monday, the 17th, I had a productive weekend. Writing, exercise, catching up on sleep, learning about the one and only Dawson Church and benefiting from a guided meditation he did with the host of YouTube's "Inspire Nation". I had a lovely dinner with my parents and saw, on the counter, Dad's Valentine's gifts for Mom, which involved a card of which I swear I got a birthday version either in '19 or '18 (That gave me pause, though I blame card companies, not my father).  Because you were dying to know, yes, my mother still makes tasty chili. And I finally started watching "AJ & the Queen" on Netflix.  Younger me always appreciated Rupaul Charles , but as an adult currently undergoing a transformation that involves remembering who I really am, meditating, etc., I'm in a phase of looking up all of these interviews with him , hungry for the parts where he says such inspiring things , putting out int...

            For me, dating that is pretty much intuition-free is utter bulls**t.                         I have a friend who would have loved for me to have dated more and told her more about it. A s much as she loves and supports me, she has occasionally let slip that she seems to make negative assumptions about what kind of person that I and her other friends will attract, not to be catty but to prepare herself using assumptions that are not about or because of me. The source of that is past pain and possibly self-doubt. That said, her words grab the attention of the fearful voice in my head and elicit classic internal reactions of the Shannon I used to be. Our individual negative opinions are not about one another.               In this post, I’m gonna dig into...

It was a Tuesday, I was working consistently at my desk, encouraging my brain to go from the task before me to my energetic efforts, including this genuine desire to change thoughts and the management of emotions. I wanted to change myself somehow on this day, even in the smallest step. On my lunch break, I meditated for just over ten minutes and did some reading about some spirituality-related practices. Thinking, thinking, thinking. After work, I had to cover someone's shift volunteering with some rescue cats. One of the animals has been in the care of Second Chance Network, a  nonprofit animal rescue collective,  for 21 months now, and Sylvester, the cutie with large, pale green eyes appeared to be as frightened as his description card stated, poor baby. As I cleaned his crate, I asked if he was okay with my performing Reiki inside it. He said nothing and looked away, which I decided was not a no.